Story Time

Aar mateys, it be Talk Like A Pirate Day, and also my anniversary. *passes around celebratory grog* I have another story time, which is completely unrelated to either of these things, because that’s just how my brain works.

I was in the shower yesterday, narrating the entire process in the fashion of a Broadway musical, as I am wont to do. Shut up. I know I’m not the only one who dramatically sing-narrates the process of leg shaving. Anyway.

I could tell there was just enough shampoo left in the bottle for one more good hair washing, but the bottle had tipped over sideways and the remaining soap had settled in the shoulder of the bottle. Frustrating (which demanded accompaniment via an operatic aria). I shook the bottle, slammed it against the heel of my palm, and repeatedly squeezed it with great vigor, intent on squeezing every last little blop of shampoo before chucking the bottle.

The noises it made were, shall we say, uncouth. Rude. Disgusting. Hilarious. My singing wilted under the strain of barely-contained laughter. And then I heard hurried footsteps approaching the bathroom. Tim ran in, panic in his voice, and demanded to know what was going on.

"What’s that noise? Is everything okay?" he demanded.

I laughed harder and held up the mostly empty bottle, giving it a few hearty farty-squeezes to demonstrate.

Tim stared, then buckled and succumbed to giddiness. “Oh my god, I thought it was the cat choking to death or something.”

So I threw the bottle at him, and spent the next ten minutes wasting an awful lot of water, not to mention all the shampoo I managed to squeeze out of that bottle, roaring with laughter and unable to do anything else.

And this is why we are celebrating our 17th anniversary today. Matey.

simonpclark:

Boom

It’s For a Paper

hailster11:

Hi! I have a paper that I’m doing and I need some help to prove my point. So, reblog if you think that gay marriage should be legalized in the U.S. Thanks, I would really appreciate it. Also, only reblog this once, otherwise it’ll mess with my numbers. Thanks again!

(via winjennster)

shinyumbre0n:

PLEASE DO NOT IGNORE THIS.

This Thursday, Scotland votes for its independence.

The BBC is trying to report that Yes to Independence is losing. They’re using photos to imply our gatherings are tiny and insignificant instead of the many photos like those above. They’re reporting that an anti-independence march by the Orange Order (think the KKK with more British flags) was a peaceful pro-union family march. They have been caught editing clips to discredit our First Minister.

There is a protest outside BBC headquarters right now. They are claiming there are a maximum of 350 protesters.

Watch for yourself. There are far more people outside their offices right now and they are being ignored and misreported.

We need to be seen. The only way we’ve been able to disseminate accurate information has been through social media. The media we rely on to spread unbiased information is lying to us, trying to suppress us.

PLEASE SHARE. PLEASE TALK ABOUT THIS. WE NEED OUR VOICES TO BE HEARD.

(via thelemicgnostic)

Story Time - Weird Earworm

The Helper Monkey came complete with a bunch of weird songs his dad used to sing when he was a kid. I hadn’t even thought about this one in ages, but for some reason we broke into song today, and now this one won’t leave me alone.  Sung to the tune of the Man on the Flying Trapeze *because of course it had to be a super classy tune to match these lyrics*

He flies through the air with the greatest of cheese,

The bald-headed man in the pink BVD’s,

His actions disgraceful, all the girls he doth squeeze,

And my love he has squozen away.

And there you go. Enjoy that little bit of ridiculousness. Tim says it was actually his grandfather that used to sing this one, so that just makes it even more hilarious, in my opinion.

It’s almost like I have two different tumblrs: Stuff I Like, and Stuff I Reblog.

To those of you whose Stuff I Like constantly *but don’t necessarily reblog*:

THANK YOU FOR GUARDING MY SECRETS.

.

just out of curiosity is anyone else having trouble with the “read more now” feature in xkit? It stopped working for me and just hangs saying “retrieving post” but doesn’t ever load.

I’m sorry I was grumpy with y’all earlier. Please accept these tiny pies as a token of apology.

Tags: tiny pie

  • Fandom: TELL US WHAT WILL HAPPEN SO WE CAN DECIDE WHETHER OR NOT WE APPROVE AND WILL WATCH *begins judging... NOW*
  • TPTB: *wiggle wiggle waffle waffle gurgle* *throws out tiny bit of information designed to excite/rile up fandom*
  • Fandom: NO THAT IS NOT ENOUGH ALSO WE ARE MAD BECAUSE THIS CAN BE INTERPRETED MANY WAYS AND WE HAVE ALREADY DECIDED TO ASSUME YOU MEAN THIS TEASER TO PROVE OUR WORST FEARS CORRECT *immediately begins online hate campaign for show/writers/tptb*
  • TPTB: *sighs*
  • Fandom: *FUMES AND RAGES*
  • me: *sighs*
  • Fandom: *crams both feet in mouth* *decides to keep chewing*