Let’s play a game.
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Lucifer and her friend are ostensibly working on their homework, but really we’re all sitting around talking about stuff and things and clickers vs. remotes and Sesame Street. Which reminded me of a weird Sesame Street thing from my life.
When I was a kid, I was in the Greater Miami Youth Symphony. I was a relatively dorky and musically-ambitionless violist at the time, but to this day a few concerts stand out as really awesome high points. One was distinctly Muppet-flavored. Aaaand that sounds really wrong on so many levels.
Even as a teenager, though, I loved one show we did. We were the on-stage accompaniment for Bob from Sesame Street, at a concert geared for little kids.Do you know how awesome that was? No? Okay, I’ll tell you.
First of all, I adored Bob as a little kid. He got to live on Sesame Street with Big Bird and everything! Even as an embittered teenager, I thought that was pretty awesome. And he’s a lovely guy in real life.
We played an arrangement of Ravel’s Bolero while Bob narrated a little story about all the instruments in the orchestra working together. When he pointed out the viola section (and as violists we’re pretty used to not getting a lot of attention) and had five hundred toddlers clapping wildly for us, I couldn’t help but feel pretty darn good.
So there you go. I played a concert with Bob. That’s it. Just a happy memory. Thus endeth this story time. Sorry it lacked the sort of build up and climax of Bolero, but this is really a kid’s story, after all.
Someone needs to write a crack fic using every cliche fanfic line ever. It should be called Their Tongues Battled for Dominance. It should make liberal use of the words “plundered” and “claimed.” Also, clashing teeth. Alternative title: He Bit His Lip Hard Enough To Draw Blood. Or: He Smelled Like Three Things Plus That One Indescribable Thing That Was Only Him.
Or it could be called something like The Impossible Blowjob, and involve a lot of hollowed cheeks and gazing into eyes and freaky Cirque du Soleil level acrobatics and contortions. Nobody has a gag reflex, nor any need to breathe. It would obviously need to include detailed diagrams because spines just don’t DO that in real life.
I fully intended to make a list of all the lines that needed to be included, but I am laughing too hard to type anymore.
- me: *walks into the house*
- Lucifer: Hey.
- me: Hey. I was just outside listening to music. U2.
- Lucifer: *stares* Oh.
- me: I didn't mean you were also listening to music outside. Just me. I was listening to U2. I mean, I wasn't listening to YOU, too. Well, I was listening to you just now when you were talking. But outside, it was the band. U2.
- Lucifer: I got it. I'm not stupid, you know.
- me: yeah, but I might be a little bit.
It’s no one else’s fault that you aren’t that
I don’t get this shit
I’m down with the of this post
Okay everyone. This is gonna be a weird post. I’m supertired, by which I mean being tired might actually be my new superpower. I’m putting most of this behind the cut, because I am long-winded and probably boring, so feel free to ignore me.
This is going to be a few observations for non-American writers trying to write American characters. I have had a few occasions *cough cough* to read what is termed “fan-fiction,” and by and large it is well written. I am always amazed that so many people can realistically capture the voice of so many beloved characters. I am also boggled to realize that for a lot of you, English might not even be your first language. I just want to share how awed and impressed I am with your abilities, and by no means do I intend for this to take anything away from your achievements. I really do love some of y’all’s writing. *and yes, I am American and I do say y’all’s in real life*
I don’t sleep well. Sometimes I don’t sleep at all. When I’m really loopy from lack of sleep, Tim and I have some weird conversations.
He got home from work this morning and decided to watch last night’s NASCAR race. I was just sitting here, minding my own business, and still not sleeping, when I realized that a lot of people think NASCAR is a stupid sport. I’ve heard people say it’s just a bunch of rednecks driving in circles, but there’s really a lot more to it than that. I get it if you just don’t CARE, but to any sports fan, hearing their sport reduced to the most insulting and mindless sentence possible… has the possibility to be ABSOLUTELY FUCKING HILARIOUS.
And to be fair, I am a fan of a lot of sports, and take a passing interesting in NASCAR, but this was a fun little analysis, to reduce other sports to that overly simplistic view of racing.
My first comparison was to baseball: It’s just a bunch of guys in pajamas trying to hit a ball with a stick.
NFL: A bunch of guys wrestling over a ball, with frequent breaks for committee meetings.
Hockey: A bunch of guys ice skating with sticks, with occasional impromptu boxing matches.
Basketball: A bunch of guys in shorts trying to throw a ball into a hole.
Soccer: A bunch of guys in shorts running around a big field after a little ball, punctuated by the occasional riot. *note: Americans are only required to care about it for a few weeks every four years.
Tennis: Big ping pong.
Golf. Guys in weird pants walking around a field with oversized luggage.
Boxing: Punch the other guy until he falls over.
So, if you like any of these sports, just remember that broken down to the basics, even your favorite sport sounds kinda dumb.
If you don’t find any of this entertaining, please remember that I just referred to my current state of sleep deprivation as “sleep depravity.” That should explain things well enough.
Every once in a while, because I am the dorkiest dork who ever dorked, I do that “hit shuffle on itunes and write down the first 20 songs” thing, but I don’t usually post them here, because that just gets old and is only really interesting to me. At least I assume that’s true.
Because the irrepressible dork in me also controls the list-making portion of my brain, of course I save these lists in a file. It’s led me to one solid conclusion.
Despite my itunes having close to 9k songs, no shortage of variety, it seems to latch on to a few bands each time I do the shuffle. Today, it was The Kinks and the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Last time it was Zeppelin and Metallica.
I am sort of concerned that itunes just gets in a mood to play certain stuff. How self-aware is itunes? Should we be concerned? Because now that I’m done with the game, it’s developed a taste for Bob Dylan and Neil Young…